Sometimes it seems my husband can read my mind. He’ll bring up a topic that I happen to be thinking about, but hadn’t yet shared. Hmm. It makes me wonder if I have one of those thought bubbles above my head.
In a novel, when the point of view (POV) character shifts from one person to the next, without the appropriate break, we call this head-hopping. For example:
Melanie knew Peter was running out to meet Tiffany. She picked up the hammer and aimed.
Peter wondered if Tiffany would have the new Mercedes ready at six as she promised. He couldn’t wait to see Melanie’s face when he surprised her with the gleaming gift.
Melanie dropped the hammer, even if Peter was a two-timing mongrel, she couldn’t whack him on the head. Maybe poison.
Peter thought Melanie was beautiful. The smile on her face made him wonder if she knew about her surprise birthday party.
The reader knows precisely what Melanie is thinking and what Peter is planning. The writer has shifted the POV from Melanie to Peter to Melanie to Peter, with none of the proper breaks. Even with the proper breaks, this kind of writing will make some readers dizzy.
As with any writing rule, there is someone successful and famous that flaunts it all the way to some best sellers list, such as Larry McMurtry, Terry Pratchett, or Nora Roberts. But these writers have combined sales greater than the GNP of many nations. These writers are experts.
What they do is connect with their reader. Head hopping tends to confuse readers, if not done in a way that keeps the reader engaged. But what’s the fun of writing when we follow all the rules?
So what about you? Do you like POV shifts in a novel? Who does it well? Who makes you crazy?
p.s. Photo by rainforest_harley
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I read a lot of authors who supposedly ‘head hop’, and I don’t see it as a problem, which brings me to this….
As a writer, I have a very difficult time with this ‘head hopping’ thing… I ‘head hop’ constantly, but not within the same sentence, just scenes, and only with two characters at once. Both main characters in my book are so intertwined that it’s nearly impossible to ovoid this. I guess the biggest conflict I have is, in order to SHOW the complete emotion of the scene, I have to give both POV’s! (at least that’s the way I perceive it) I also tend to stay away from long drawn out descriptive prose because I find all the wordage literally takes over the EMOTION I am trying to convey. I also use short worded or one word ‘sentences’ too…. Yeah… I break the rules everywhere.
I have tried to present it from one side, but it loses something! No…not something, to me it lost half the emotion. My characters feed off one another they are so connected. I am at such a loss now. All the conflicting opinions about this is literally driving me up a damn wall and blocking my mind. We are on the final edits (and there have been many. LOL) and I think I’m getting more and more nervous as we go worrying about it.
I have over 20 beta readers, mostly strangers, and they have read the first draft (i mean the very first untouched, unedited, raw one) and subsequent drafts, and they still love it. Sure, at times I have to clarify something they point out, but it’s usually not something I have to completely re-write. My editor doesn’t seem to think I have a ‘problem’ with so called ‘head hopping’, but i do…sigh….
So now what? Maybe I am confusing head hopping with shifting POV?
Any input or opinion would be greatly appreciated. I guess what drew me to you was the fact that you don’t dismiss it completely. Maybe you could take a few minutes and take a look at the excerpts I have online and tell me if I am indeed ‘head hopping’ or shifting POV’s or whatever the hell they want to call it?
I just can’t seem to wrap my head around it. The words pour out of my mind so easily, then I try to do things ‘right’ and my mind closes. Arrggghhhhh……. frustrating the daylights outta me! LOL
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Margaret
I understand your frustration, and I appreciate the trust you’ve given me. Writing is hard work. Write it. Get valid opinions. Then edit, edit, edit.
I will caution you regarding the opinion of strangers, positive or negative, including mine. When I turned my pen to fiction, I completely discounted my husband’s critique of my work. He rarely reads for pleasure and when he does, it’s science fiction not thrillers. The first time he read my work, he told me it didn’t make sense.
Ppshh! What did he know?
Now my critique group was a seasoned group of writers whom I had seen provide consistent, thoughtful advice to other writers. I had reason to trust them. They said the same thing as my husband. So now I listen to him. He can’t tell me how to fix anything in literary terms, but he can point out the areas where I need to use some polish.
When others provide feedback to me, I focus on the negatives. Not because I’m a masochist, but because that’s where I can improve. Especially when the majority agree. But I also know that in the end, it’s my work and I make the decisions.
Your POV shifts are frequent, sometimes going from character to character and then on to omniscient. Such as: the silence went on for a while longer as they allowed the wine to settle their nerves.
Only a third-party who can read both their thoughts would know this.
Examine your genre for guidance. If shifting POV is common, then it will be expected. If it is not, then your writing had better be stellar. The POV shifts bothered me less than some other things I noticed.
Within the dialogue, the characters routinely address each other by name. You may be trying to keep the speaker straight for the reader, due to the POV shifts , but people don’t talk that way. It sounds unnatural to my ear, so it lessens your emotional punch.
The sample I read contained several clichés.
—tossing his emotions into a tailspin— like confetti?
—puppy dog eyes— baby beagle?
—ran like hell out of the room— a starving cheetah?
My examples may not be better or appropriate, but they give a specific image. And while clichés do occur in a novel length work, my critique is based on the assumption that your excerpts are intended to sell the book. If so, your writing must sparkle.
Finally, there are a couple of grammatical and stylistic issues that caused me to stumble.
The last paragraphs of chapters three, ten, and fifty-five switched from third to first person. I suspect that you want to show internal monologue. If so, then italicize those thoughts, so we are clear it isn’t another POV shift.
This line : The looked melted Adam’s heart– should be ‘look’
This line: they HAD to talk— If you want to emphasize a word, italicize it. Caps appear like screaming in text. So, too, with exclamation points. Use them rarely.
This line: He got up and went to the fridge, pulled out a bottle of wine and poured them each a huge glass— give me specifics because they ground me in the story. What kind of wine? What kind of glass? I don’t need a history lesson on the wine but some details will make it real. Such as:
—pulled out a bottle of Chardonnay from his favorite vintner in Napa—
If it’s in the fridge, it must be a white wine
I hope you found this helpful. All the best to you!
Thank you for taking the time to reply. It is much appreciated.
I just realized I gave you an UNEDITED web page…LOL! I have two… one is to test/work with and the other is a final (in the works still) with a password until it IS final… sorry… but you got the point of what my problem is. The grammar has been fixed through out my work since then and I have even replaced one of the excerpts.
I do have 2 actual published writers that help me, but both have no problem with my style… so I’m not so sure they are of much help in that department, but they do point things out to me and I do look at the negatives first without getting my feelings hurt.
I get you on the omniscient thing… but it is consistent throughout when not in dialog. I know, non-standard, rule breaking… Do you think I can get away with it?
On the names within the dialog, I will work on that, but in my world…ha ha, we do address each other by name in conversions a lot! Especially in intimate situations or emotional situations. But, I do understand that most may not.
Cliches… Ha.. You know I never really thought about it… must work on that… and of course, they show up in what you read! I don’t think I have too many more! My writer’s editing software didn’t pick those up. It did pick up others that I took care of though. Maybe its because they are so far apart? Wait, it may be because I posted those excerpts to see how it would look before I ran it through…I don’t know now! jeeaazzzzz
I promise, I am not as dizzy as it seems! LOL
Gotcha on italicizing emphasis words.
And finally…the wine… The problem with giving out only part of a chapter… The reader already knows what kind of wine is in the fridge because they went to the store with Adam earlier in the chapter! hahaha. AND it is Chardonnay! LOL
Thank you for your insight. I learn something new everyday. Sometimes something I have know but tend to lapse on too. I will definitely consider all of your suggestions..
The part ‘omniscient’ thing is gonna haunt me though… I know it’s there, and it didn’t start out that way, but decided it was the best way to accomplish what I wanted to do with this story. Sigh…. I was always a rebel…
The whole thing is laced with it, instead of long drawn out ‘head’ details. Short and sweet details instead. Not a common thing, and I am aware of that. What my readers love about this story is how quickly it reads, but draws you into the characters . They like the concentration on the characters emotions, problems and elation’s instead of scene details. They all tell me how they feel as if they were right there with them or inside them. Then there is the sensuality in it that you can’t see. LOL. Again… mixing it up like that must not be common.
Do you have any other suggestions that might help me decide? Have you heard/ seen others doing it?
I understand if you don’t have the time to address this, but any other thoughts would be appreciated.
Thank you very much for what you have already given me.
Margaret
I’m glad you found the comments helpful. That’s why this blog is here. And I always appreciate a writer with a desire to improve.
I recommend that you examine the expectations of your target audience to make the best decisions on your POV shifts and shifts into omniscient. What books will be next to yours on the shelf? Read the successful books in your genre specifically to see what the POV pattern looks like. Or read the book in that genre that you wish you had written.
Are there frequent POV shifts between characters? Does the POV move in and out of omniscient?
Whoever is likely to buy your book will have also read these other books. That reader will be looking for a similar experience. You want to satisfy that reader by keeping the terrain familiar. Make it too far from what the genre promises, and the reader might quit in frustration.
I write thrillers. In this genre, chapters sometimes begin in omniscient to describe a setting, give some history, lay a foundation, but they typically move quickly into close third-person or first person. As a reader of this genre, omniscient tends to jar me when I come across it within a chapter, as does a POV shift without a scene break. I won’t put down a book for that reason, but I notice it. When I notice the writing, it momentarily evicts me from the story. Too evictions from story world, and I may decide the writer doesn’t really want me here.
A classic romance novel cannot end with a murder-suicide. Either follow the expectations within your genre, or write it so well that you can break any rule. Great writing always trumps rules.
All the best.